Why A Long Distance Relationship Works

"I could never do long distance," I said. I hear it all the time. Somehow societal norms have made us think that long distance relationships are a bad thing. That its settling for something less than perfect. My mom and her husband have been married for over 10 years and live a 3 hour plane ride from each other. I (mostly) silently judged them but yet they are happily married. Why was I so judgmental if it was working? Yet somehow, here I am, in a long distance relationship with someone 6 hours ahead of me in a country that I don't plan on living again. Yet its's great. I might say even better than a typical relationship where two people live in the same town. There are two main reasons I feel explain this better in which I will divulge in hopes that many of you will open you mind to long distance.

Reason #1

A comedian in his Netflix special compared his parents marriage to his previous marriage explaining that with social media we are with someone longer than before social media. Think about it. BSM (before social media) a couple only saw each other before & after work. there was no daily texting, no perusing their FB, no sharing of funny memes on Instagram. And when you got home from work you shared your days with each other AFTER you handled your kids. Many people also worked longer hours back in the day so you had fewer hours to spend together. Nowadays, WSM (with social media) you are constantly a part of your partners life. You check in with each other about what food you want for dinner, whether to take out or cook in, what so & so said at lunch that pissed you off, whats going on in the news, if you saw that I liked you post and that I tagged you in mine, etc. How do you ever find more things to talk about together? In my 9 year relationship that ended last year, we always complained to each other that we stopped having deep conversations. Well its because we experienced everything together so there was no time to present new things to each other to discuss. Since we obviously won't stop with SM, something else needs to give relationships a break. By living apart I manage to see my boyfriends beautiful face daily through video chats and we can catch up on our days without needing to overload ourselves with constant contact. Consider it the modern day "old fashioned" relationship.

Reason #2

I want things the way that I want them. I realized I have never lived alone. I went from my parents house, to roommates, to living with a boyfriend for 9 years. I never got to decorate my home the way a want, organize my things the way I want, not make my bed for fear of a "lecture" from the BF. I want to take a bath whenever I feel like it. I want to workout in my living room and leave the yoga mat on the floor permanently because it's not in my way. I want to go out to dinner when I don't feel like cooking, I want to take a walk and explore a new neighborhood when I'm bored or pick up a new hobby. Living long distance lets me do this. I can finally live in my own space and find my independence. It has been such a big accomplishment for me to feel like I can make my own decisions without having to talk it through with another person. It's literally a dream come true and has given me a sense of confidence and power that I haven't had before. I love my boyfriend, but I also love me.

A long distance relationship has actually allowed me to put ME first and my boyfriend second. This is something I normally screw up. I usually put the other person first, which ends up making me unhappy in some form and then results in problems in the relationship. My Boo and I are pretty damn grateful for the daily chats we have and get excited to plan our visits to see each other. We value our time together more since it's not all the time. And when we aren't doing this, I'm learning more about what I like and spoiling myself. So it's not that weird to give you and your Boo some distance. We used to have distance BSM. You are just creating that healthy balance again by going Long Distance! This doesn't mean it's easy. Sure I want him next to me when I'm having an anxiety attack and need to be calmed down. Yes, I miss his touch. It has opened me up to a new challenge and made me get creative in how we define our relationship. But all relationships have tough parts and I think the long distance route is the more rewarding path for me.

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